Amy entered foster care at 14 years old – somewhere she never expected to find herself. More than a decade later, she’s now 25, a university graduate, and thriving in a successful television career – logging onto our call just after completing a shoot for a Netflix show.
This Foster Care Fortnight, Amy shares her own experience of foster care, the community who rallied around her, and the vital need for greater stability for children and young people in care.
When Amy first disclosed to a university friend that she had been in foster care, she was met with the response: “you don’t look like you’re fostered”. It’s an interaction familiar to many young people with care experience. Unless someone personally knows foster carers or young people in foster care, many people form their perceptions based on media stereotypes, Amy explains.
“When I do decide to tell people I’m fostered, it takes them by surprise. I’m just a normal functioning adult who is like every other 25-year-old, in therapy dealing with stuff. We need to break that stereotype otherwise nothing’s going to change, right?”
Before entering care herself, Amy admits her own understanding of the care system came from her only reference point – Tracy Beaker. But when her mum died when she was 12, everything changed. After spending time living with family members, she moved in with her foster carers, where she stayed until leaving for university at 18.
Although her experience of care was largely positive – staying with the same foster carers throughout her teenage years – she was still affected by the instability that often comes from a disjointed system. She frequently found herself having to retell her story to new social workers, something she found emotionally exhausting – and something that remains commonplace in the care system.
Data from the charity Become shows that 7 in 10 children experience a change in where they live, where they go to school, or who their social worker is every year, disrupting education, relationships, and mental health.
“I think stability is such a big thing”, Amy says. “Care experienced children and young people go through so much change and so much uncertainty, whether it’s going from school to school or going from county to county. I had gone through a lot of trauma before, so every time a new social worker came, I was like, okay, let me give you the spiel. I'm so disconnected to it now, which kind of plays to my favour because of what I can share and how I share it.”
Alongside this instability, Amy also grappled with her own sense of identity after losing her mum, moving away from her sister, and having regular contact with different practitioners.
“You become someone’s job”, Amy explains. "You're either a social worker's job or a teacher's job or a therapist's job or your foster carers get paid to have you. These people - you're not their person. They're YOUR people and then they go and they have their lives and you're kind of there waiting until they come back, which is quite an interesting place to be.”
Despite the challenges, as she spent more time with her foster carers and the wider community in their small village, Amy’s understanding of foster care – and of family – began to shift. She recalls a touching moment the day she moved in, when a friend of her foster carers, Jessie, came round for dinner.
“I just remember feeling so small. And then me and Jessie spoke about music – she's a musician and I play guitar. She came around later after dinner with her spare guitar and was like, I can't imagine being somewhere without my guitar so you can borrow mine until you get your stuff back.
“I just remember being like, that's the kindest, most thoughtful thing that some random person can do for some random girl. But it’s the small things that actually make the world of difference."
Amy continues: “It shows that our fostering story wasn't about the foster family, it was about the whole village that did everything they can to keep me on the straight and narrow. They were also my family rather than just our immediate family network.”
This Foster Care Fortnight, The Fostering Network is raising awareness of the many different forms family can take. Amy’s story is a clear reminder that family can look different for everyone.
When asked what ‘This is Fostering’ means to her, she explains that fostering wasn’t just about her foster carers – it was the whole community around them who helped her grow and feel supported.
“I think fostering is so much more vague than we ever paint it out to be. It's never just about the foster carers, it's about the social workers, it's about the community around, it's about the teachers, it's about everyone.
“I say it quite a lot, but just like a smile or a space to talk or just kind of offering a bit of normality if someone needs ‘normality’ - whatever that is.
“But it's also standing your ground and being strong and knowing that if someone is in your care and you don't believe that other people are making the right choices to put your voice in there.”
