Fostering is a journey that can open up a world of possibilities and opportunities for children and young people who have experienced trauma and adversity. The care and parenting for children in foster care must be especially intentional, empathetic, nurturing and responsive. Whatever the nature of the trauma and adversity the child or young person has experienced, a truly trauma-informed approach can radically transform their healing and development. Not only this, but understanding and responding effectively to trauma can benefit everyone, through the building of kind, responsive, nurturing families and communities.
The care that foster carers offer to the children and young people they look after requires them to be deeply understanding, nurturing and informed. Supporting and caring for children and young people who have experienced trauma and adversity can mean that foster carers themselves absorb some of that trauma, and as such, effective self-care and strong networks of support go hand in hand with providing trauma-informed care. Foster carers need their team (friends, family, colleagues, neighbours, services, support groups and so on) too.
It is vital that we recognise the importance of an ongoing process of becoming more and more trauma-informed, attachment-focused, nurturing and responsive. We do not arrive at a static place that is ‘trauma-informed’. Rather we arrive over and over again, in a dynamic journey and pursuit of becoming. Bessel Van Der Kolk describes the magnitude of this well:
"Trauma-informed care is not a clinical technique but a profound paradigm shift in how we perceive and respond to human suffering."
So, what does it mean to be a trauma-informed foster carer, and how can you embody that role in everyday life?
- Understand trauma
Gabor Mate explains that “Trauma is not what happens to you, it is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.” This explanation helpfully relays that trauma impacts everyone differently. Even siblings within the same family may be impacted very differently by their experiences.
Trauma can take many forms. There might be single event trauma, or more complex trauma that could be ongoing, such as community or cultural trauma, or indeed developmental trauma. Most children and young people in care may have experienced multiple forms of trauma, but in particular, their experience of developmental trauma can significantly impact their attachment, and their capacity to bond with or trust adults or care-givers.
Trauma isn’t defined only by events – it is defined by how a person experiences those events. What is traumatic for one child may not be for another. Trauma affects the brain, body, and behaviour. It can interrupt a child’s ability to trust, their ability to emotionally regulate, their capacity for learning and concentration, their self-esteem and their relationships.
Trauma can be intergenerational and transgenerational, being carried through generations. Relationships can be affected by trauma generation after generation, resulting in parenting cycles that continue. Dr Karen Treisman beautifully speaks about how “relational rupture requires relational repair”. The power of relationships can interrupt these cycles and lead to positive, lasting change, both for children and adults. The loving homes that foster carers open up to children and young people are a large part of this relational repair. Foster carers can help children and young people to feel safe and understood. Sometimes there are opportunities for foster carers to also support the child’s birth family, building positive relationships that can lead to relational repair for birth parents, and healthier connections between the young person and their birth family. -
Increase safety
Increasing physical and emotional safety is really important in trauma-informed and responsive caregiving. Key adults in the life of the child can think intentionally about how to increase safety, but it is also important to attune to the child or young person, because what feels safe for one young person might activate the internal threat system of another.
Predictability is often very helpful for increasing psychological safety. Regular routines (e.g. meals, activities, bedtime), familiar faces and prepared transitions can help relax the child’s internal threat system. We do not need to be as hypervigilant if we know where we are, who we are with and what happens next.
For children who have experienced multiple foster care placements, adapting to new environments might be harder. It is difficult for them to understand what is predictable when they have had lots of different boundaries and expectations. Taking your time, communicating clearly, listening to their thoughts and offering explanations and rationales for decisions can help a lot.
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Take a PACEful approach
Dan Hughes developed the PACE model: Playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy. This model is used broadly, including in therapeutic settings, wider practice settings and by primary caregivers including parents and foster carers.
Playfulness: Playing together with the children you look after is immensely important in terms of building the bond and relationship between you, and by way of supporting their development. This is true for older young people as well as younger children. Being playful is not only about playing together in a tangible way, but also in embodying a spirit of playfulness, taking a lighthearted and fun-loving approach.
Acceptance: This can often be the trickiest part of PACE to fully grasp. This is not about accepting anything and everything the child says and does, but rather is about accepting who they are and their inner world. For example, if a child hurt the family pet, we would not communicate that this is permissible, but rather we would seek to understand what might be going on for the child internally and attune to that need.
Curiosity: Asking curious questions and being inquisitive can help children and young people to share what might be going on for them, when they struggle to find the words initially themselves. For example, if a child came home from school and threw their bag across the room and slammed the door, we might choose to be curious with them about this rather than immediately directing them to behave differently. “I wonder what kind of day you have had buddy? Seems to me that something frustrating maybe happened. Perhaps in class, or with friends?...”
Empathy: This is a really effective tool in supporting children and young people to feel seen, heard and understood. Modelling feelings language can be helpful, especially when children and young people find it difficult to verbalise their own feelings. Statements such as, “I can see that you might be feeling a bit upset or flat because your head is down and your body is a bit floppy” and “I am wondering whether you are nervous or excited, because your eyes are wide and your body is moving fast?” can support them to find their own expression.
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Use detective skills to understand behaviour
It can be so difficult to remember the ‘PACEful’ approach when the child or young person is behaving in a way that activates our own stress responses. A helpful question to keep at the forefront of our minds is, “What is this behaviour trying to communicate?”
When we focus more on what the behaviour might be trying to say, that the child or young person does not yet have the words for, our responsiveness becomes more about the holistic needs of the child rather than our desire for the behaviour to rapidly change. This also helps us to see the person, rather than their actions.
What is the hidden need? If we tune into our detective skills and use curiosity to uncover or even theorise about the hidden need that the behaviour might be communicating, we are more likely to respond in ways that meet the need of the child or young person.
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Be mindful of Social GGRRAAACCEEEESS
The Social GGRRAAACCEEEESS framework was developed by John Burnham and colleagues. It is most commonly used in systemic and family therapy, but is increasingly being used across wider social care settings, and is helpful for every context, interaction and relationship in which we exist.
- Each letter represents an aspect of social identity, and the framework unpacks how these are relevant in relation to power, privilege and inclusion. They are gender, geography, race, religion, age, ability, appearance, class, culture, education, ethnicity, employment, sexuality, spirituality and socioeconomic status.
This framework is helpful for foster carers to attune to the children and young people in their care, holding a fuller understanding and awareness of the power and privilege that exists between them. Taking a culturally sensitive approach which celebrates the full identity of the child will support the bond and relationship between the child and foster carer, and grow a family home that includes the values and needs of everyone living there.
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It takes a village
The ancient wisdom that tells us how “it takes a village to raise a child” is as applicable today as it always has been. Thinking intentionally about the team around the child, and how best to communicate together, always holding the best interests of the child as central can support better outcomes for children and young people.
Thinking about the various settings and contexts that the child exists in (e.g. family, school, social care, health, community engagement), and ensuring they have safe adults in each of these spaces can support their holistic sense of safety. Moreover, if all of these adults model kindness with each other, and communicate well, the child or young person may understand more acutely that their team is working together with and for them.
The voice of the child or young person is so important in ensuring the best possible care is provided, that meets their needs. They might communicate differently with each member of the team around them, or they might communicate in similar ways. Each of these relationships that the child holds can support with various strands of their care plan.
To pull all this together, ultimately being a trauma-informed foster carer is not about being perfect, but it is about being present. Your presence is a beautiful offering for children and young people who really need a kind, thoughtful, attuned and responsive carer to provide a safe space, advocate for them and stand in their corner, cheering them on. The loving home that you open up and the safety you increase through being a consistent, trustworthy foster carer can bring deep, relational healing and can significantly improve outcomes for the children and young people you care for.
We close with the wise words of the inspirational Maya Angelou:
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
