form F https://www.thefosteringnetwork.org.uk/ en Judgement day https://www.thefosteringnetwork.org.uk/blogs/lucy-stevens/judgement-day <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--title--blog.html.twig x field--node--title.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--title.html.twig * field--string.html.twig * field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--title.html.twig' --> <span>Judgement day</span> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--title.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--uid--blog.html.twig x field--node--uid.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--uid.html.twig * field--entity-reference.html.twig * field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--uid.html.twig' --> <span> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'username' --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/user/templates/username.html.twig' --> <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Lucy Stevens</span> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/user/templates/username.html.twig' --> </span> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--uid.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--created--blog.html.twig x field--node--created.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--created.html.twig * field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--created.html.twig' --> <span>Wed, 04/27/2016 - 11:56</span> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--created.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'links__node' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * links--node.html.twig x links.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'themes/custom/tfnetwork/templates/system/links.html.twig' --> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'themes/custom/tfnetwork/templates/system/links.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--field-introduction--blog.html.twig * field--node--field-introduction.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--field-introduction.html.twig * field--text-long.html.twig x field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <div class="field field--name-field-introduction field--type-text-long field--label-hidden field--item">It’s a beautiful, sunny Wednesday morning. We’re suited and booted and on our way to panel to be approved as foster carers. We’re meeting Stef (our Form F assessor) at a café near to where the panel is taking place, to have a little run through the potential questions we can expect. As someone who has served on the panel, I have a view on the questions I might have asked us if the roles were reversed. And I have a plan.</div> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--body--blog.html.twig * field--node--body.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--body.html.twig * field--text-with-summary.html.twig x field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <div class="field field--name-body field--type-text-with-summary field--label-hidden field--item"><p>‘Right,’ I say. ‘Let’s have a run through.’</p> <p>‘Isn’t that what we’re doing with Stef?’ Jim asks.</p> <p>‘Yes, but I suspect that we’re going to need some extra preparation.’</p> <p>Jim accepts this with only a mild look of suspicion on his face. I start to question him.</p> <p>His answers are punctuated with ‘don’t say that’, ‘or that’, and ‘definitely whatever you do, don’t say that.’ Actually, Jim manages to give at least four sensible answers before he tires of the seriousness of the matter and begins to add a good heaped teaspoonful of sarcasm to his answers.</p> <p>‘Jim,’ I say. ‘You’re stressing me out. Please don’t be all sarcastic.’</p> <p>He laughs and tells me he’s merely ‘getting it out of my system.’</p> <p>‘Ok then, ask me some questions.’</p> <h6>Priests and train-spotters</h6> <p>By the time we arrive the “practise” has turned into a competition to see who can come up with the most inappropriate answer you could give and we are both laughing. I have to admit that Jim’s tactic of shrugging it all off is by far the most effective in terms of relaxing us for the task ahead.</p> <p>Jim heads into the shop and comes out with a Coke and a Crunchie. I observe that these items might not be terribly conducive to a calm, smooth interview.</p> <p>I’m suddenly reminded of one of the most painful job interviews captured on celluloid; that of Spud in the film Trainspotting. Spud, high on speed, goes for an interview that quickly becomes an unmitigated disaster; a fact to which the rambling, nonsensical Spud remains blissfully ignorant. It is also reminiscent&nbsp;of an episode of Father Ted where Ted attempts to limit the damage-reaping remit of Father Jack during a visit to Craggy Island by the Bishop. They spend hours and hours training Father Jack to say ‘That would be an ecumenical matter’ as a stock answer to cover a multitude of less savoury options.</p> <p>We meet up with Stef and it’s her turn now to counsel Jim against unwise jokes – she looks at once amused and anxious. Jim plays up to this magnificently and, following his coffee and a slice of lemon drizzle cake, really looks like he is having a super time. He is relaxed and weirdly so am I.</p> <h6>Another foot, another shoe</h6> <p>We get to the venue and don’t have to wait long to be called in.</p> <p>The chair comes to get us, introduces herself to Jim and asks me how it feels to be on this side of the panel for once. I tell her I’ll let her know at the end. The panel starts off with introductions. Everybody confesses to knowing me, apart from an observer whom I have not met before.</p> <p>Then the chair tells us that the panel only have four questions to ask us and hands over to one of the panel members to ask the first one. It’s directed at Jim.</p> <p>‘What is your motivation in becoming a foster carer?’ Jim starts to respond and I immediately relax. He talks about the nature of fostering we’d like to specialise in, that of fostering unaccompanied asylum seeking children. He talks of watching world events unfold and knowing in our hearts that we had to do something that could be part of a long term response and not just a short-lived donation or a brief outcry on social media. When he’s finished speaking, I add that in reality you wouldn’t have to have much to have more than these children do and that therefore it is just a matter of doing the right thing.</p> <p>The second question centres around our busy lifestyle. We both work, we have two children, I’m working on a campaign connected to the refugee crisis, Jim does voluntary work in the community, coaches rugby and tutors teenagers. The panel want to know what impact we expect fostering to have and how we’ll manage it. Jim immediately relays a conversation we’ve had where we’ve both agreed to cut back on the extra-curricular stuff as and when it’s needed. In these conversations, we’ve reflected that modern parents tend to overload their children with extra-curricular activities without ever teaching them to simply relax in their down time: their schedules are packed. We try and manage this for our children with varying degrees of success, but even so there is room to cut back and I know that the boys are happy to do so.</p> <p>The panel then ask Jim to explain to the panel what my strengths and weaknesses are. Anything could happen here, I think. So I say a little prayer. It’s quite strange listening to Jim speak about me. You don’t often get the chance to sing each other’s praises and you don’t often have permission to be honest about one another’s shortcomings. I’m glad that I have the opportunity to explain why I think Jim will be a fantastic foster carer and it would seem Jim feels the same way.</p> <p>The next question is addressed firstly to Stef. The panel want to know how well our boys have been prepared for fostering. Stef answers this and the conversation moves on to how we’ll know if the boys are struggling with the fostering. We talk about communication and the fact that our boys are always encouraged to be honest with us. We talk a lot. If they do feel unable to talk to us, both boys are very close to my mum and always open up to her about anything. Ultimately our children know that they will never be forced into anything they are unhappy about. We then talk about placement endings. This is a topic I have already started to prepare the boys for. We have spoken about children absconding, or being sent back to their country of origin, we have spoken about the possibility that our home might not be what the child expected or wants. I am trying to let them know that some events are not going to be a reflection on them or us as a family. But it will also be ok to be upset. Well laugh together in the good times and cry together during the sad times. Jim adds that placement endings are always going to be tougher on the child in question than they are for us; after all we have each other. I am touched once again by his ability to get to the crux of the matter.</p> <p>When asked how we’ll manage the changes to our family dynamics, Jim once again shows insight and practicality. He talks about modelling behaviour and taking the heat out of conflict, he talks about collaborative parenting and the importance of good communication. I add that having younger children in the home is a great way for a newcomer to learn the ropes and can dilute some of the scrutiny that looked after children are subject to.</p> <h6>The verdict is in</h6> <p>Stef is asked to summarise why she thinks we will make decent foster carers and gives a moving summary of her experiences of spending all those Saturdays with us.</p> <p>We are then ushered gently out of the room so that the panel can make their decision.</p> <p>There is a huge sense of freedom that comes from knowing there is nothing further you can do. Jim and I both feel it. Jim says that he felt the panel was warm and friendly and that he’d felt relaxed. I feel that I’ve had a clear reminder of all the things I loved about Jim when we very first met. I realise exactly why we’re supposed to be together and why we’ll be together in every up and down we go through. This feels like a blessing even without an approval at stake.</p> <p>After a short while, we’re called back in. Thankfully the panel does not take its modus operandi from popular television. There is no three-minute tumbleweed moment as the chair says ‘I can tell you that…..’ and we resemble rabbits in the headlights. Instead we are told straight away that we’ve been successful and the panel are recommending us as foster carers.</p> <p>They go on to outline their reasons for the decision; I notice that Jim’s eyes are moist at this point and I realise just how much he cares and how he loves this family of his who are being praised by the panel.</p> <p>‘Was that a tear in your eye?’ I ask later.</p> <p>‘I don’t know what you mean,’ he says.</p> <p>That’s what he said when I caught him crying at Shrek. He switches on the radio to drown me out. It is an interview with the chap who wrote Father Ted. We laugh.</p> <p>My phone beeps and a message comes through from someone I know asking me if I saw an article on fostering asylum seeking children that had been on TV that morning; she doesn’t know we have been at panel today but says that she’d thought of me and was particularly struck by how important what we want to do is.</p> <p>To me, these things feel like a huge encouragement that we’re exactly where we need to be right now. Knowing this makes the inevitable waiting we now face until the right match is found, all the easier. And so, we wait.</p> </div> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--field-blog-tags--blog.html.twig * field--node--field-blog-tags.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--field-blog-tags.html.twig * field--entity-reference.html.twig x field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <div class="field field--name-field-blog-tags field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field--items"> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1720" hreflang="en">assessment</a></div> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1721" hreflang="en">form F</a></div> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1714" hreflang="en">panel</a></div> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1674" hreflang="en">Foster carer recruitment</a></div> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1917" hreflang="en">Lucy Stevens</a></div> </div> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="flag.link_builder:build" arguments="0=node&amp;1=10190&amp;2=favourite_content" token="ZxA1f4AYjPaV6WsHQ0ySb2YXIe_uTZ_G7A63xZ9FpmA"></drupal-render-placeholder> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--field-comment--blog.html.twig * field--node--field-comment.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--field-comment.html.twig x field--comment.html.twig * field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/comment/templates/field--comment.html.twig' --> <section> <h2>Add new comment</h2> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderForm" arguments="0=node&amp;1=10190&amp;2=field_comment&amp;3=comment" token="VheTp1gO5GhEnQGo2_IFTfPwl-vUbVZmFqDtetJuLH8"></drupal-render-placeholder> </section> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/comment/templates/field--comment.html.twig' --> Wed, 27 Apr 2016 11:56:04 +0000 Lucy Stevens 10190 at https://www.thefosteringnetwork.org.uk https://www.thefosteringnetwork.org.uk/blogs/lucy-stevens/judgement-day#comments The heart of the matter https://www.thefosteringnetwork.org.uk/blogs/lucy-stevens/heart-matter <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--title--blog.html.twig x field--node--title.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--title.html.twig * field--string.html.twig * field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--title.html.twig' --> <span>The heart of the matter</span> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--title.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--uid--blog.html.twig x field--node--uid.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--uid.html.twig * field--entity-reference.html.twig * field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--uid.html.twig' --> <span> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'username' --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/user/templates/username.html.twig' --> <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Lucy Stevens</span> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/user/templates/username.html.twig' --> </span> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--uid.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--created--blog.html.twig x field--node--created.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--created.html.twig * field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--created.html.twig' --> <span>Thu, 04/14/2016 - 12:24</span> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--created.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'links__node' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * links--node.html.twig x links.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'themes/custom/tfnetwork/templates/system/links.html.twig' --> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'themes/custom/tfnetwork/templates/system/links.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--field-introduction--blog.html.twig * field--node--field-introduction.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--field-introduction.html.twig * field--text-long.html.twig x field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <div class="field field--name-field-introduction field--type-text-long field--label-hidden field--item">If you’ve been following my blog you’ll know that my husband and I are going to panel to be approved as foster carers on 20th April (or not as the case may be).</div> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--body--blog.html.twig * field--node--body.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--body.html.twig * field--text-with-summary.html.twig x field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <div class="field field--name-body field--type-text-with-summary field--label-hidden field--item"><p>In this blog, I’ve charted our journey from its inception when we first made the decision to foster. I’ve tried to share our motivations, our hopes and our fears. I’ve described the depth to which the assessment process probes and how we as a family have all reacted to such exposure. In short, the blog has been very much about us. And that’s only to be expected; the assessment process is all about understanding the applicant - what drives them, how able to reflect they are, their strengths, their weaknesses, the gaps in their understanding and knowledge. It’s a process that focusses most of your attention on you. And yet these last couple of weeks, as we await panel, my thoughts turn outwards once more, onto the child who might soon be joining our family and the other children we look after at the agency I work for. My thoughts are on the very heart of what has brought us this far.</p> <p>So, to give you a break from the interminable me-ness of this blog, I thought it might be good to shine a light on the children, the challenges they face and the staggering resilience they often display.</p> <h4>The whys and wherefores</h4> <p>Children come into foster care for many different reasons, some are very dramatic and others much less so. I’ve seen children in care because they have somehow got lost in a relationship breakdown, because of poverty, drug and alcohol addiction, domestic violence, child abuse, because they are challenging to care for, because their parents need respite, because they are orphaned, because they are caught in criminality, or their parents are in prison, because they have been neglected or given up on, because adoption has broken down, because they are fleeing war or persecution, because they have been trafficked or because there are simply no other options open to them.</p> <p>Whatever the reason, children find themselves in a scary predicament when they find themselves in foster care. What are the carers going to be like? What will the house be like? Will it smell like home? What house rules are they going to have? What is the food going to be like and when will I be fed? Where am I going to go to school and how am I going to get there? Am I going to like them? Am I going to let myself like them? Will they like me? When will they have enough of me? Will they stop me seeing my family? Will they be able to protect me? How can I escape if I need to? What do they expect of me? What if I can’t be who they want me to be? How do I know I am safe here?</p> <p>Many adults couldn’t cope with so many unknowns and yet these children somehow do cope. And on those occasions where the match between carer and child is spot on, these children flourish. Where a match is poorly made, a child can find themselves in a downward spiral of relationship breakdown and upheaval resulting in severe damage to self-esteem and mental wellbeing. This has far reaching consequences.</p> <h4>Match ready</h4> <p>One question that I often get asked and that I am sure panel will ask us too is why we want to specialise in fostering unaccompanied asylum seeking children (UASC). There are many reasons but perhaps the most relevant one for everyone concerned is the importance of matching, especially as we have two young boys.</p> <p>Let me rewind a bit and explain how the process of placing children and young people in foster care works. As a small independent agency, we receive “referrals” from the local authority. They have their own in house foster carers but any children that they can’t place with them will come to independent agencies. This means that the children we try to accommodate can be quite challenging to care for. Sometimes they have endured years of abuse, neglect or dysfunction and can be deeply traumatised. They might exhibit challenging behaviour, which can mean that it’s not wise to place them with other children.</p> <p>I’d like to be clear that unaccompanied asylum seeking children have also often undergone deep trauma. I know children who have lost family members, seen war and bloodshed, travelled on foot for months and months, spent time in horrific camps and witnessed things no child should have to witness. There is definitely trauma. And yet, my experience of many of these children is that they have had a good foundation. They are polite, good with other children, they are hardworking and ambitious and they have the capacity for great joy and enthusiasm. In fact, one of my biggest concerns is how we go about understanding what some of these children are really feeling and thinking. Culturally they may not be used to talking, they may not get the best out of therapy, they may just bottle things up. This can lead to depression, nightmares, flashbacks, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and other behaviours that we are only just beginning to understand.</p> <p>In other words, it is not going to be plain sailing but perhaps we can at least stay in the relative dryness of the boat. It’s my hope that when the boys are older and we are more experienced that we can help a broader range of children. Until then, as we near another milestone on our journey, I wonder what other journeys are being travelled out there and when and how our paths will meet.</p> <p>I wonder if there will be relief for us all when they do.</p> <p><strong>The Fostering Network is currently in the process of developiong resources and training around&nbsp;fostering unaccopmanied asylum seeking children which will be available in the latter half of&nbsp;2016.</strong></p> <p><strong>Tags:</strong></p> </div> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--field-blog-tags--blog.html.twig * field--node--field-blog-tags.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--field-blog-tags.html.twig * field--entity-reference.html.twig x field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <div class="field field--name-field-blog-tags field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field--items"> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1720" hreflang="en">assessment</a></div> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1721" hreflang="en">form F</a></div> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1714" hreflang="en">panel</a></div> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1674" hreflang="en">Foster carer recruitment</a></div> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1917" hreflang="en">Lucy Stevens</a></div> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1977" hreflang="en">unaccompanied asylum seeking children</a></div> </div> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="flag.link_builder:build" arguments="0=node&amp;1=10174&amp;2=favourite_content" token="_kjpK7giqSEKRf-xHhFktiiaVzUM-i2mFVzCDaoMCdw"></drupal-render-placeholder> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--field-comment--blog.html.twig * field--node--field-comment.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--field-comment.html.twig x field--comment.html.twig * field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/comment/templates/field--comment.html.twig' --> <section> <h2>Add new comment</h2> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderForm" arguments="0=node&amp;1=10174&amp;2=field_comment&amp;3=comment" token="2sXfAeGDR7yfTZCDEJ19790yf_xHATLYeeKfq_oV0h8"></drupal-render-placeholder> </section> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/comment/templates/field--comment.html.twig' --> Thu, 14 Apr 2016 12:24:18 +0000 Lucy Stevens 10174 at https://www.thefosteringnetwork.org.uk https://www.thefosteringnetwork.org.uk/blogs/lucy-stevens/heart-matter#comments A weight off https://www.thefosteringnetwork.org.uk/blogs/lucy-stevens/weight <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--title--blog.html.twig x field--node--title.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--title.html.twig * field--string.html.twig * field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--title.html.twig' --> <span>A weight off</span> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--title.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--uid--blog.html.twig x field--node--uid.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--uid.html.twig * field--entity-reference.html.twig * field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--uid.html.twig' --> <span> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'username' --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/user/templates/username.html.twig' --> <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Lucy Stevens</span> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/user/templates/username.html.twig' --> </span> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--uid.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--created--blog.html.twig x field--node--created.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--created.html.twig * field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--created.html.twig' --> <span>Mon, 03/21/2016 - 17:29</span> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/node/templates/field--node--created.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'links__node' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * links--node.html.twig x links.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'themes/custom/tfnetwork/templates/system/links.html.twig' --> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'themes/custom/tfnetwork/templates/system/links.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--field-introduction--blog.html.twig * field--node--field-introduction.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--field-introduction.html.twig * field--text-long.html.twig x field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <div class="field field--name-field-introduction field--type-text-long field--label-hidden field--item">It’s Friday evening. In the dining room there are four very noisy, very excited boys getting stuck into their sleepover fun. They are shrieking at each other, their mouths open to reveal half masticated hotdog as they discuss the merits of the caterpillar game (a pursuit involving sleeping bags and a staircase). I wonder whether it was such a great idea to suggest tonight as the night to sign off our Form F assessment with our assessor Stef. But anyway it’s too late; Stef arrives at the peak of the children’s excitement.</div> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--body--blog.html.twig * field--node--body.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--body.html.twig * field--text-with-summary.html.twig x field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <div class="field field--name-body field--type-text-with-summary field--label-hidden field--item"><p>Jim, who is looking remarkably relaxed (I suspect a pint of lager might feature in this) welcomes Stef in whilst I sort the boys out. By the time I've dispatched the boys upstairs with some sweets and a DVD, it all sounds eerily quiet. I make Stef a cup of tea and enter the lounge.</p> <p>The light is best described as “mood” and there is some slow music playing.</p> <p>‘Blimey Jim,’ I say. ‘Couldn't you find the Barry White?’</p> <p>Jim looks at me questioningly. Stef looks like she’s on the point of laughter or tears. I'm not sure which yet.</p> <p>‘It’s a bit late for seduction. The form F is complete and Stef has well and truly got the measure of us both.’</p> <p>Stef does look slightly puzzled at the Jim she has stumbled across tonight and when Jim leaves the room she says, ‘This is a man who’s had a weight lifted off his shoulders!’</p> <p>And she’s right. The man Stef is meeting tonight is the Jim we all know and love: relaxed, generous, funny and kind. It is the man he is allowed to be now that the invasive questions have ceased.</p> <p>So it is that we find ourselves in this romantic, relaxed setting thumbing through our form F. We start with the references.</p> <p>Stef has taken up three personal references for us. This has involved a lengthy interview with each of our nominated friends to really enable her to get the measure of us. Stef says that during this interview, she really pushed our referees to understand their views on our strengths and weaknesses. It’s odd to read what people really think of us. And very touching. I just get to the end of the one I am reading when I notice that Jim is looking particularly smug and puffed up.</p> <h4>Alpha beaten</h4> <p>‘What are you looking like that for?’ I ask.</p> <p>‘Two reasons,’ he says. ‘Firstly, it’s clear that as a couple we have a weakness. YOU!’</p> <p>I ask him to elaborate.</p> <p>He merely hands me the reference he’s been reading. This reference, provided by a good friend of mine, states that it is very rare that I ask for help and cites this as a potential area of weakness. This is undoubtedly true. I don’t see this as a deliberate ploy on my part to dupe the world into thinking I’m capable, I’m just generally pretty self-sufficient. Looking at that comment in the context of a wider fostering context, however, it’s clear that I am going to have to be aware of this tendency of mine. Looking at it in black and white, I can see that perhaps there is an element of pride to the self-sufficiency and also a tendency towards martyrdom and that is not good news for anyone.</p> <p>‘OK. Fair enough. What else?’</p> <p>Jim visibly inflates.</p> <p>‘I,’ he says, ‘am an Alpha male.’</p> <p>My stomach sinks. Which of our dim-witted, short-sighted friend has said this about Jim? I actually go back and check the front of the reference to make sure Stef has not enclosed someone else’s report. But alas, it’s there in print, for ever.</p> <p>‘Do you think I'm an Alpha male?’ he asks.</p> <p>I groan. This is going to be unbearable. This new status is going to be held aloft at every possible occasion. It will be presented in any dispute, any struggle. It will be carted out whenever his judgement is in question. It will be the rationale behind every success and any petty failure. I suddenly start wondering whatever happened to Tippex...</p> <p>‘Actually, the reference says that you can come across as quite Alpha male but I think she’s actually saying that…you’re not. Not really.’</p> <p>Jim smiles at me in a manner that can only be described as sardonic. ‘I think, as an ALPHA MALE, I am capable of cutting through the subtle nuances of language here and drawing the only sensible conclusion…’</p> <p>Stef is giggling beside me. Quite a lot. I'm glad that she gets us in this way. That she knows we are mocking each other, that she knows we are not serious and that we do this as a way of showing affection. I feel touchingly understood.</p> <p>We move on and read through the reports on our children. The school has given an honest report of the boys and have stated that they’d have no concerns in relation to us fostering. It seems that everyone has had a say in our application: previous employers, current organisations we volunteer for, organisations we've had involvement with in the past, people in our community who know us. I didn't expect any of them to say anything bad about us but I still breathe a sigh of relief to see that they view us positively. It makes me realise how exposed I've been feeling.</p> <p>We then read through the rest of the form. This is split into different sections and covers our childhood, our experiences of being parented, our experiences of parenting, the challenges we've faced and how we've overcome them, our training and development and knowledge around fostering and its challenges. Each of these sections draws on past events and reflects on what we've taken from them and how this might qualify us to be successful foster carers.</p> <p>I'm pretty impressed that Stef has managed to get all this information together so quickly and smoothly. Inside three months, she has questioned us, observed us, tried to understand us. She has shared valuable experience with us. And most impressively of all, she has managed to extract blood from stone or, to put it another way, information from ALPHA MALE.</p> <h4>The home stretch</h4> <p>Both Jim and I are pleased and relieved that such a gargantuan task has been achieved. No more questions, no more time consuming homework, no more cajoling answers out of Jim…until the panel, of course.</p> <p>I have found the assessment process to be hugely valuable on a personal level. It is surely a healthy thing to question yourself, your motives, your limitations, your strengths and weaknesses, your pressure points, your regrets, your successes. It is surely a good thing to see yourself warts and all. It is a good thing to recognise where you need to change and why.</p> <p>I have a suspicion that Jim’s experience looks a little different…</p> <p>We thank Stef sincerely for her patience and her hard work. And because the Alpha male is perfectly at ease with himself, he is not too proud to request a pre-panel preparation session where Stef can put us through our paces. Our Panel date is 20th April. Stef agrees that we’ll meet beforehand for a practise run. So all that’s left to take care of are a few health and safety adjustments to the house, to let our insurers (home and car) know of our intention to foster and last but by no means least, to hope that we can make it through the panel intact.</p> <p>In the meantime, I'm off to indulge in my new hobby of Alpha male bashing. In the interest of self-improvement I will be approaching my support network to see if any of them can help me out with a suitable bashing implement, instead of stoically sourcing my own.</p> <p>I’ll keep you posted on the panel…</p> </div> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--field-blog-tags--blog.html.twig * field--node--field-blog-tags.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--field-blog-tags.html.twig * field--entity-reference.html.twig x field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <div class="field field--name-field-blog-tags field--type-entity-reference field--label-hidden field--items"> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1720" hreflang="en">assessment</a></div> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1721" hreflang="en">form F</a></div> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1714" hreflang="en">panel</a></div> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1674" hreflang="en">Foster carer recruitment</a></div> <div class="field--item"><a href="/taxonomy/term/1917" hreflang="en">Lucy Stevens</a></div> </div> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'themes/contrib/bootstrap/templates/field/field.html.twig' --> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="flag.link_builder:build" arguments="0=node&amp;1=10151&amp;2=favourite_content" token="c2dOUYjZhczoNWstNFFIIiEENCJgxm2O47JCj6GFTgE"></drupal-render-placeholder> <!-- THEME DEBUG --> <!-- THEME HOOK: 'field' --> <!-- FILE NAME SUGGESTIONS: * field--node--field-comment--blog.html.twig * field--node--field-comment.html.twig * field--node--blog.html.twig * field--field-comment.html.twig x field--comment.html.twig * field.html.twig --> <!-- BEGIN OUTPUT from 'core/modules/comment/templates/field--comment.html.twig' --> <section> <h2>Add new comment</h2> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderForm" arguments="0=node&amp;1=10151&amp;2=field_comment&amp;3=comment" token="gmS_T_cqvLz6JeZy-6SVK7JtC5VCPgyqI0flbcofAaM"></drupal-render-placeholder> </section> <!-- END OUTPUT from 'core/modules/comment/templates/field--comment.html.twig' --> Mon, 21 Mar 2016 17:29:46 +0000 Lucy Stevens 10151 at https://www.thefosteringnetwork.org.uk https://www.thefosteringnetwork.org.uk/blogs/lucy-stevens/weight#comments